The 26 Things Men Wish
Their Wives Knew!
Learn to work
the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up and you need it down. You
don’t hear us gripping about you leaving it down.
If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret
girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to,
expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with
it. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as naval lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
College football is like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we’re never going to
think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine. Really. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let’s be clear on this one:
Subtle hints don’t work. Strong hints don’t work. Really obvious hints
don’t work. Just say it!
We don’t know what day it is. We never will. Mark
anniversaries on the calendar.
Peeing standing up is more difficult. We’re bound to
miss something.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think
we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil.
It is neither your best interest nor ours to take the quiz
together.
No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to
do something but not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a
color.
If we ask what’s wrong and you say
“nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you’re lying, but
it’s just not worth the hassle.
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